Emotional Rollercoasters.

I get mean when facing people in a state of weakness. I want to say, tough it up, get a grip, be strong. When someone criticizes someone for being weak, I finding myself defending the victim, saying not everyone can be strong all the time. That's my contradiction. Really what makes me act this way is my utter refusal to be or look weak. I have to stand on my own feet at all times. I will not admit I need someone and not  something to lean on. Hell I can't even let anyone pay me dinner. People disappear, people fall down the stairs and die, people go into surgery and come back changed. And I pull away.

I guess what I mean is today was a hard, sucky day, and I wish someone had been there to keep me company or to help me breathe, but you know, I guess that what's you get for locking everyone out.

Don't read this as a cry for help or something, I'm fine. The issue is being there for those who aren't and not resent them for it.